Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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