I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize