Dual....:-)
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
