Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
is that a dick in a sweater?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
