yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
When are your genitals available?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
