I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
