I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
