ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
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