i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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