I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
