are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I cockslap morals
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
