Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
