bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
