I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
