tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
