New invention idea: vibrating tampons
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Terrible idea I love it
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
