I have demons in me.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
