I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
It's just like the Real World with babies
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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