She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
50% drunk capacity currently
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
