Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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