a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
