is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
