You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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