ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
