It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
