I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
