it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i think i have herpe
just one?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
