Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
