Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
