Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
two words: eviction party
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
