Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
