so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
