i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
