I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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