Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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