y did u give ur computer a hand job?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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