If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
