I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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