when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
