??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
