I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
