1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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