Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
