I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
