then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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