Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
