im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
