office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
