My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
