I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
