He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
