For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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