So drunk its hurt
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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