Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
