I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
