He kissed a someone with a penis
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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