she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
