11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
