I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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