Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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