everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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