I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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