Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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