I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
