That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
