If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
