Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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