I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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