he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
