Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
