The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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