he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
