just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
