If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
