you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
