Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
