My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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