ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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