I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
