If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize