I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
