All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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