i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
