the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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