I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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