k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize