it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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